03 Sep An Unconventional Dad
So, Kris and Bronwynn had a conversation over breakfast this morning that went something like this:
K: Baby B, did you know there was an old lady who swallowed a fly?
K: I don’t know why the hell she swallowed a fly, but I guess she might as well die.
B: *munch munch*
K: So what did she swallow to catch that fly? A frog! She swallowed a frog to catch the fly, but I don’t know why the hell she swallowed a fly. I guess she’ll die.
Kris went on to explain that a snake swallowed the frog, and a hawk swallowed the snake, and a moose swallowed the hawk, and a hippopotamus swallowed the moose, and a dinosaur swallowed the hippo. But the lady still died.
So then, he switched gears:
K: B, do you know what a polliwog is?
K: It’s a tadpole.
K: (directed to me) We should get her a polliwog.
Me: I thought you were going to get her a turtle (based on a previous conversation).
K: My mom never let me have a turtle, because she said they carry diseases. …Maybe we could get her a snake!
Me: No way. No snakes. I don’t want pets that can escape.
K: B, do you want an iguana?
Me: Iguanas are better than snakes, for sure.
K: Well, we’re never getting her a ferret. If anyone brings a ferret into this house, I’m going to let Ollie eat it.
B: (motions for more banana) *munch munch*
K: No rodents, period.
Me: Unless it’s a big rodent, like a guinea pig.
K: Yeah, guinea pigs are okay. B, do you want a guinea pig? My brother had one that lived for 8 years!!!
B: uh-oh (banana fell on the floor)
K: B, did you know that 6 is afraid of 7?
K: ‘Cause 7 8 9!
It was an educational morning.
And lest anyone tell you that becoming a parent means you have to give up all your fun and dangerous hobbies, take a look at what Kris was up to one recent weekend afternoon. He was in the garage cutting some new baseboard, and I noticed it was taking quite a while, so I went out to check on him and saw this: